Updated: Mar 16
by Diana Reyers
Daring to Share Deception to Truth
February 2020 Edition
Welcome to Monthly Perceptions by Diana Reyers!!
It was a year ago when I made a decision I thought would change my and other's lives forever… and it did…. but not in the empowering way I imagined it would. My and many of my friends' involvement and investment into a company, ultimately, took me on a whirlwind journey of emotional trauma that included moving through a gamut of emotions beginning with initial passion and excitement to the exact opposite including unforeseen clarity and the nauseating feelings of manipulation and devastating betrayal. I felt ostracized by the very people who always told me they used love as their guide.
It took a heightened degree of inner work to accept and find gratitude in having my tribe push me aside as a result of me choosing to retreat from a company that, just months in, started feeling extremely deceptive. After several red flags popped up and I did my research, I found a great misalignment in what I was told my investment of time and money would provide and what I was presented with. What was most curious for me is that I had a feeling that wouldn't go away, an unsettled deep knowing that asked me to dig deeper to find clarity about what didn't feel quite right… and I found it.
I know without a doubt that what I feel both physically and emotionally is my truth and I always take the time to understand the message it screams at me and then I pay very close attention. I cannot ignore my truth even when others don't resonate with or honour it. I also know that my truth has been slanted in the past due to the perception created when clarity through conversation wasn't created. Clarification from original source is a critical piece that takes me to my and other's truth. Conversation is imperative in order to show up being fully integral because it provides clarity of perception on both sides. I also own a deep commitment to respecting others' current truth given their level of emotional and social intelligence which, either more or less, can be quite different from mine depending on where each of us are within our process of personal awareness.
I came to realize that I and the friends who had also invested in this company had different perceptions about what I discovered. I addressed my concerns to them and they made if very clear that they did not want me to ruin their vision and told me that I was reading too much into this. I was stumped because it was obvious to me and , from one day to the next, I was threatened with legal action with no valid cause, my value of religious inclusivity was questioned, concrete proof I discovered was deemed invalid, and my thoughts and feelings were dismissed. I rocked the proverbial boat by asking questions about things that didn't make sense to me and no one wanted to hear what I had to say.
It was then that I chose to honour them and back off to follow my path of what I knew was real for me; I was told that no matter what my decision was, it would not influence our friendship. I proceeded to share my findings with those I recruited because I felt it was the integral thing to do; I felt sick that I had convinced them to also invest in what I believed was heading in a direction that would not serve them well. They could decide what their next step would be, and they did - all but one chose to put their claims in to receive their refunds from the same online payments system I used. We moved through the proper channels and protocol by requesting refunds with the online payments system that I originally used. We did so within 180 day policy from time of purchase that all purchasers receive in order to be considered for a fair refund. We were all deemed justly owed receiving full refunds.
Then, for reasons we had nothing to do with, the payments system company discovered this company was an MLM and I was told that their privileges of use were removed - as clearly stated in the legal guidelines, an MLM company cannot sell their products or services through this payment system company. I did not know this until the claims representative told me when he shared that my refund was granted. Sadly, because this coincided with my and my team's refunds, rumours came back to me that it was perceived as my fault and everything drastically shifted as I was thrown into controversy becoming the one who ruined everything. I met once with one of my friends who chose to remain invested and she asked me what had happened; I shared every step and she listened but I felt her resistance to believe me. I could feel deep within me that nothing I said would change her opinion of me and this situation. Unconditional love suddenly became extraordinarily conditional as I was immediately shunned with connection denied after that.
I waited for a while and tried to initiate another meeting with my friends in order to provide my story for clarification but I was refused - I was told by one in a text that I wasn't in alignment with her, but that, if I happened to meet her one day, she would hug me and tell me she loved me - this felt like hypocrisy at it's worst and not at all in line with my definition of Love. The other gave me excuses in a text, one after the other, for why she canceled three meetings in a row that we had set up. I sent one more text asking her let me know when it worked for her - she agreed, but I never heard from her again; I didn't expect to. It became very clear to me that I wasn't part of their tribe anymore and was being cast aside. The scenario felt like I was no longer necessary to them, so why would they bother spending time with me. They thought I betrayed them, perhaps because of the story they perceived or because of what they had been told by others. There was nothing I could do about it because they refused to believe or meet with me. The ties were cut and six years of friendships quickly dissolved without so much as a word exchanged.
A story is only heard if someone is willing to listen.
It took months of counselling and inner work for me to process what I experienced as a result of my friends being influenced by their perception without receiving or believing my side of the story. My process of grief was painful, but I feel so grateful to them because, in the end, I arrived at my ultimate destination of clearly defined Love. I was finally able to put aside the feeling of shame that I manifested due to how I was treated and I became inspired to show up within a true place of acceptance for both me and them; there could no longer be someone who was right or wrong as they believed there was. All that was left were perceptions made with the lack of communication received. I came to a place of confidently knowing that I had shared my truth and that needed to be enough. This realization took me to my deep knowing that Acceptance is the ultimate description of Love for me.
Landing within this clarity required a high degree of dedication to myself that I have never had to tap into before. Through all of this, I realized that I am so committed to showing up guided by how I feel that even when I don't understand why I experience the emotions that arise, I trust them one hundred percent - it is a self-trust that I developed over the years through uncomfortable conversations and interactions that I chose to immerse myself into knowing that the tradeoffs might be even more traumatic than actually experiencing the reality I dove into. The difference with this particular situation was my naivety within this experience - I believed that my friends would believe me when all I wanted to do was protect them from possible deception. I never thought that they would not value my loyalty to them and I was in shock that they perceived I would do anything to intentionally harm them.
I suddenly recognized that my interpretation of their response to me shifted as I realized that they were simply motivated from a place of fear - fearful of loosing the same dream and vision that I was initially excited about. This discovery was the biggest gift I could have received because I now saw them in a different light - they weren't the mean girls I thought they had become and my judgment for them turned to intense empathy. I was able to release all my resentment in order to land within the freedom and ease of love for them. I was able to let all that go and, if I wasn't allowed in their life, I would love them from a distance.
Once this revelation occurred, I was blessed with being able to love and respect myself again for making choices that were aligned with who I am. I knew my truth and if someone in my life didn't take the time to listen during a difficult time, that was their choice and I needed to honour and accept that and move on. I am no better than anyone else; I pride myself on being guided by compassion for others with the genuine intention of providing inclusion to all, but I am not exempt from u-turns so how could I not forgive others for the same?
After more than a year, I am sharing my voice, definitely not for retribution, but because since all this occurred, the community I live in is riddled with distorted untruths created through the gossip of others sharing what they think of me and their perception of my role in this situation. I am not defending myself, but simply sharing my story as my truth as they believe they are sharing theirs. Because I know how dangerous it is to speak about others without clarifying the facts and perspective of the person being spoken about, I deserve to have my perspective listened to as well, especially when others freely share theirs. If not, one version merges into another and before everyone knows it, someone's reputation is compromised as the result of a story spiralled into half-truths. It can be so emotionally damaging for both sides as each unintentionally lands within a web of deception that becomes painful and irreversible. For me, the result was the devastating stigma of disempowering exclusion disguised in love; my sharing provides the opportunity for me to land in the mindset of inclusion empowered by love.
At the time of this trauma, while escalating into emotional disconnect, I survived such brutal loneliness by turning to the only person and thing I knew I could trust - me and my truth. This trust became the single most important choice I made during this year-long road from accepting someone else's verdict of exclusion to choosing my own celebration of inclusion. I will never go back to thinking that I should place myself in such personal detriment for the sake of loyalty to others; I will always choose personal and spiritual evolution created through choosing loyalty to my own soul.
I have compassion for those who feel they need to stay trapped in the perception of Deception Disguised as Love because I know what that feels like - I was locked in the same emotional imprisonment during a dark time in my life years ago. It was all-encompassing in the most disconnecting way. There was a point when I was unable to continue with the burden of its effects on me and others in my life. I am not better than anyone else and I am very aware of my imperfections. What guides me through all my big shit is Acceptance because it provides me with the empathy I need to show up within my truth of genuine Love while honouring the same in others. I am so grateful for all the friendships I am blessed with today; you are the reason I got to the other side of last year with a very full heart.
Sharing this Post is #daringtoshare and may inspire just one person to take a step forward towards leading a more authentic life most of the time.