Daring to Share the Feeling of Betrayal

I came across this FaceBook post by Joy Kingsborough, and it spoke deeply to me:

"An interesting energy seems to be swirling the conscious field....the release of the shame associated with betrayal. We are waking up to a sadness around love that we have been missing, needing, craving. This sadness is breaking us open to recognize the betrayal we have felt with those around us, seeing the pattern of that betrayal play out over and over again, and ultimately accepting that we have been betraying ourselves all along………" (more on Joy Kingsborough's page)

I have experienced the feeling of betrayal from only a few, and that kind of deception felt like a burning in my soul. In both cases, it was emotional betrayal that I experienced. So, without concrete physical evidence, it took me years to be decisive about the fact that I was being betrayed as opposed to perceiving being betrayed based on a feeling. Many times, I felt like I was on the brink of insanity as I wrestled with the trusting of how I felt while waiting to believe my soul and what it was screaming at me. The more I waited, I allowed the emotional to continue and I dove deeper into the pit of betrayal as I became a victim of my own self-deception. I was angry that two people who claimed to love me would betray me over and over again, and yet, I claimed to love myself and, simultaneously, practiced self-deception on a daily basis.

Not trusting how I felt provided a gateway for others to utilize my state of being as a way to unload their insecurities on to me. However, when I awakened, I realized that my pain was partially being created by the torment of my own self-deception as I allowed the abuse to play out over and over again. It was then that I was able to forgive the disloyalty of another and surrender to the part I played within the unfaithfulness between the two of us. I chose to release my victim stance and forgive myself by accepting the shared responsibility of deception.

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